Andrew J. Croteau
Eng 110-H5
Prof Paterson
9.22.2024
Identity: A Look into Human Experience
As an individual who believes that identity plays an important role in who a person is, discovering one’s identity can be challenging. Being with others who have made me feel comfortable has influenced my identity. Growing up, I felt as though my identity was not expressed through the personality I portrayed. Overall, this shaped me to become who I am. Sadly we aren’t here to discuss my whole life story but going forward I will touch on the importance of role models, the emotion brought forth from expectations, and how the outside world always seems to creep into what we as humans need to be personal.
Role models in my life have experienced complicated battles and diverse mindsets that led them through physical and mental challenges. Battling the tougher topics such as: grief and depression and even the feeling of climbing out of their own skin allowed themselves to realize happiness. Even though they had a long road to their excitement in life, they are living proof to those who may not see the light at the end of the tunnel. Blood relatives and family are extremely important however, the family that raises certain parts of you can come from the most random of branches in a community. It is quite possible that you may see your parental figure as an equal, who has brought you up to their level of belief and intention, but no one says you must stop there. This person has helped you grow to this point knowing they were the beginning of your story and in many cases, live to see you and those they helped “reach for the stars” without “Going out to sea”, as Jaed says in his writing (New York Times, 13 June 2019). This firm foundation doesn’t keep you from moving forward but lets you take your first steps alone in a sturdy and passionate way.
Having many different role models can help find what a person wants and doesn’t want to be. Not only does this allow someone to choose what they believe is their true self, they can also form values that can be sewn together creating one identity beyond the physical world. I’ve seen this through my own experience by observing my older siblings to find how to work on portraying myself. We’ve bonded greatly over my 18 years of life, and I have followed parts of their path while on my own. From discovering my passion for dance, to the exhilaration and excitement of a field hockey game. I feel at home within these environments. Before I understood what I was passionate about, I tried many options and got ideas of what boys “should do” from my father. He never pushed or prodded me to do the “masculine” thing and instead gave me the choice and supported what I had expressed interest in. While in Jaed Coffin’s article My Father, Out to Sea, his relationship with his father was complicated and heartbreaking. Coffin discusses how his father figure was very absent from his life, comparing it to “Rahula” whose father “the Buddha” left him for the forest. He saw this as a way of confirming this was “normal” thinking, “How can I argue with the Buddha?” (Coffin, 13 June 2019). This highly influential character mirrors exactly what he doesn’t want to be as a father. He wants to choose to be present and a part of his daughter’s life, but he asks himself if he is even able to control himself, or does the remnants of his father’s lineage creep into his everyday actions? Coffin expresses this by writing “I couldn’t be within ten feet of my father without feeling as though his contagious presence might infect the man I was trying to become,” (New York Times, 13 June 2019). The universal feelings of fear and unrest as he recognizes he and his life will change as he entered fatherhood himself.
In Tina Fey’s essay Confessions of a Juggler, the deep topics of parenthood and how the public views family structure so harshly scream at Fey through her daughter just wanting to read a book. This book, labeled “My Working Mom”, “had a cartoon witch on the cover” (The New Yorker, 6 February 2012), led Fey to believe that her busy work schedule was causing her daughter to feel a certain way. The battle between doing what’s right for oneself and what others think is right can lead to many restless nights. The expectation of having the “perfect” family has been mainstreamed to the public for decades and pulls at the Jenga tower of humans’ fragile minds. What influences me to put high expectations for myself is how my family has been brought up through values of working hard, being kind, and helping others. These are all great traits to have but, in our world, there will always be more tasks to complete, people’s spirits to lift, and problems to solve. With never truly feeling fulfilled or satisfied, built up emotion only leads to stress and discomfort in everyday life.
I’m no celebrity, however, I still don’t enjoy the unsolicited negative comments and thoughts others decide they need to share. Tina Fey dives into this within her works calling out all types of characters in her own life. These include coworkers, a toy store owner, and even her doctor. For Fey the discussion of a woman’s future family plans should only occur if that person chooses to start it. This personal information isn’t what defines someone within an industry; their talent, charisma, and passion should remain at the core. Sharing her own experience Fey exclaims, “I’ll just be unemployable and labeled crazy in five years, anyway,” (Confessions of a Juggler, 6 February 2012). Saying this out of annoyance for how a variety of services treat adult women, she is also questioning if that is how she wants to be continuously compared to and how women in the acting & comedy industry are quickly swept under a filing cabinet backstage once deemed undesirable to an audience. The truth she shares is not only brave, but important for others to read and remind themselves that this isn’t right.
We’ve discussed the public’s view of ourselves and how we observe others but now we can look at the pressure and expectations humans put on themselves. The fight to get a good grade in school, look the way we think we should, or even get out of bed has become far too common. The everyday actions of keeping up with the world leads people to believe in a set of goals in life that are often unachievable in the order they think. These unfinished goals can cause excess stress and dissatisfaction. Focusing on small self-made goals and wishes can lighten the pressure one has on themselves, allowing one to feel accomplished and productive. Bringing forward positive emotions to the forefront of one’s life is more important than using the negative thoughts and feelings that try to take over. Having the control of this can be a key factor in how a person views their own identity and can make them ask if they are happy with who they are? Many may answer this confidently either yes, or no, but others like myself may overthink and wonder how they are happy with some parts of their identity but not others. Having the ability to realize identity isn’t a singular item or idea but a combination of every experience and characteristic trait is on a whole new level. Life isn’t cut in equal parts and has every notch, curve, diagonal, and hole that could possibly appear in pages of a story or in a letter to a loved one.
No one person should bear the weight of their identity all in one sitting, this is the reason it forms and evolves over time. With our experiences and lessons, our mind forms a sense of self and values. Being at the University of New England has put my mind into a new perspective and provided me new chances and opportunities for exploration. With the options I have and the people I’ve had the ability to interact with I could see how many different backgrounds create such a variety of people. From their families and friends to even where they were raised, everyone’s values form at different times and change with whom they spend time with and how they handle and express their emotions. The two works mentioned are both prime examples of how the effects of role models, the influence of the outside world, and feelings of pressure through expectation shape a person’s identity.
Work Cited:
Coffin, Jaed. “My Father, Out to Sea.” The New York Times, 13 Jun. 2019. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/13/opinion/my-absent-father.html
Fey, Tina. “Confessions of a Juggler.” The New Yorker, 6 Feb. 2011. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2011/02/14/confessions-of-a-juggler-tina-fey
